One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.
And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”
He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.
during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard
When I saw him in Ft. Lauderdale, there was a bar in the lobby that people kept leaving to go to. At one point, a guy in the front row just got up and BOOKED IT to get drinks. John Mulaney looked over at a woman who was next to the empty seat and asked, “Are you with him? What’s his name?”
She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date’s name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, “At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, ‘Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,’ and then you guys are all going to scream back ‘WE LOVE MILKSHAKES!’ He’ll be so confused.”
He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald’s drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale…”
Naturally, we erupted with “WE LOVE MILKSHAKES” and John Mulaney SWUNG around to face the drinks guy and said, “I bet you’re real confused now, huh, JASON?!”
ah so john mulaney is a chaotic neutral cryptid
i saw him last night and there was a good ten minute interlude where a woman told him everything she found wrong with his suit, including that his pants were too high waisted to which he replied “that’s where my hips are” and someone in the back shouted “look at that high waisted man he’s got feminine hips!” and he yelled back “that’s my joke! i’m offended!!”
i saw him in durham and he interrupted the show to ask a girl in the front row “i’m sorry but are you a child?” and continued to talk to her for a solid four or more minutes.
He is a pure person and I fucking love his chaotic nuetral self
This is not an acceptable habitat for a hermit crab
This is not an acceptable habitat for a goldfish
Neither of these are an acceptable habitat for a beta fish
And this is not an acceptable habitat for a rabbit/ferret/rat/guinea pig/hamster/chinchilla/ or any other small mammal
Do your research before purchasing a home for your pet, dont just buy what the pet store tells you to. All of the cages and tanks shown above are entirely too small and lack many of the things needed for the pets they are intended to hold, yet they have become very popular in the homes of pet owners who didn’t look into the specific needs of their animals. Don’t make your pets suffer by failing to provide the proper care that they require. If giving your pet a suitable habitat is too expensive for you, then don’t buy the animal, it’s simple.
FISH ARE NOT DECOR. FISH ARE NOT DECOR. FISH ARE NOT DECOR. FISH ARE NOT DECOR!!!! 👏👏👏
I’ve been decorating my betas new tank and in looking up inspiration I keep seeing fish in light bulbs, fish in vases, fish in coffee pots. Do these look cute? Sure. BUT THATS A FUCKING LIVING CREATURE! Petco isnt helping with their new designer line of bowls and display that perpetuates this idea that fish (especially betas) dont need air, plants, hideaways, water flow, filtration, or room. I love looking at my tank. Its beautiful. Its soothing. It matches my style and living room decor. Its GREAT 👍. Its also 5 gallons, filtered, temp monitored, decorated with live plants and non abrasive decor, and contains one very sassy beta and her snail friend. They love eachother. I bet they gossip all day. Pretty doesnt equal inhumane, and torture isnt pretty.
Do your research! And fish lovers, feel free to reblog this and add on with some facts/tips! Its time people got informed.
I do not understand why y’all had to ruin tiddies. Tiddies are cool B but like idk why yall had to hypersexualize em. Do you know how cool it would be to just be chillin topless in a city park during the summer on a hot day wit ya girl just relaxing and having a picnic and shit? Be able to take a nap at the beach together skin to skin and have it be completely normal? Like i get why yall like tiddies, I like em too. They cool to look at just like a muscular chest or calves or eyes or any other cool body part. But to the point where yall see a tiddie and get a boner ?? Yall needa fix yaselves cause you ruining some good times and experiences for the rest of us normal ass people not jerking it over a damn nipple
This is the best explanation everyone else go home
hey folks we got the 69 sex number and the 420 weed number, i think it’s time we get ourselves a gay number where anytime we see it we can say “ha. that’s the gay number :)” so anyone wanna throw some numbers out there as suggestions
good points, it looks like we got ourselves a winner right off the bat. good work team, 630 is gay
when it’s the gay time
Or… and I’m just spit balling here… US pride is in June because of Stonewall… which was June 28… so shouldn’t it be 628?
Welcome to Chaos 