butterfly-bandaid:

88thparallel:

minero-tan:

matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll:

whiskey-and-a-wry-smile:

razorlightt:

jennitheodd:

gh0stcity:

gh0stcity:

One thing I’ve learned in life, if you act really self-assured and confident you can pretty much get away with anything.

For example, I’ve watched someone walk on to a plane with no passport. Just walked right on.

Once walked out of a dude’s house with a pair of his pants slung over my shoulder. Did all the usual eye-contact, saying-goodbye movements and noises, just… while stealing his pants. He did not notice. 

I told my English teacher that she graded my final paper(I did not turn one in) and that she told me it was well written. She scrambled 3 days trying to find the nonexistent paper, then apologized to me for losing it and gave me a 96%. Confidence is key

my dad’s mate just walked out of a shop with a canoe and didn’t get questioned

Humans are like bees: if they sense you’re an intruder all hell will break loose, but if you get inside the hive they just assume you belong there. Be confident.

Bee confident

This is funny but also true, and a huge tip when traveling. Act like you belong, and you won’t be bothered like other tourists might. Especially on public transportation… do your research ahead of time and look like a disinterested commuter and you’ll blend right in.

Fun Fact about Bees: they use pheromones to communicate and the pheromone to signal ALARM is the same chemical that makes bananas smell like bananas so if you eat a banana and then breathe on a beehive you will regret it and this seemed relevant when i started writing it

vanessa-the-skeleton:

geekandmisandry:

letmemeetyourdog:

izzytheoddity:

a-pentaholics-paradise:

iamtonysexual:

frecklebuttcronus:

causeallidoisdance:

no-this-is-jarod:

they got mad

image

Green Day lead singer Billie Joe Armstrong wrote this about his father, who died of cancer on September 1st, 1982. At his father’s funeral, Billie cried, ran home and locked himself in his room. When his mother got home and knocked on the door to Billie’s room, Billie simply said, “Wake me up when September ends.”

So I’d be angry too if people kept this shit up every single year.

i am going to reblog this until i die

…oh

Seriously its just not funny and I wish people would stop

I reblog this every fucking year. Leave them alone.

Every year.

oh noooooooo

alocure:

wessasaurus-rex:

nemesisvariant:

Every time I see a writing prompt for an immortal I always see some smartass say “Jeff Goldblum lmao” and guess what? Make up your own character to fit the prompt. Write a short story. Write a book. Become insanely popular. Get your book made into a movie. Be the director. Hire Jeff Goldblum to play your character. Spend time with Jeff Goldblum. Try to pay him for his immortality secrets. Fail. Spend more time with Jeff Goldblum. Become friends. Become best friends. Be a better person. Wait for Jeff Goldblum to realize you’ve become a better person. Wait for Jeff Goldblum to fall in love with you. Get the secret of immortality from Jeff Goldblum. Live forever with Jeff Goldblum. Escape Earth with Jeff Goldblum. Live amongst the stars with Jeff Goldblum. Adopt space cats. Don’t just write “Jeff Goldblum lmao”. Live the Jeff Goldblum experience, you coward.

did jeff goldblum write this

he’s looking

solarcat:

ineptshieldmaid:

magickedteacup:

curlicuecal:

deathcomes4u:

greenjudy:

joebidenfanclub:

it seems so strange to me that the only people it is socially acceptable to live with (once you reach a certain stage in life) are sexual partners? like why can’t i live with my best friend? why can’t i raise a child with them? why do i need to have sex with someone in order to live with them? why do we put certain relationships on a pedestal? why don’t we value non-sexual relationships enough? why do life partners always have to be sexual partners?

My grandmother and grandfather more or less adopted my grandmother’s best friend back in the 50s. After my grandfather died (before I was born, back in 1968 or so) they continued to keep house together, platonic best friends, and they hung together until they died, a few months apart, in 2007.

It’s quite recently, as far as I can tell, that living arrangements like that have stopped being regarded as normal.

It’s absolutely a new thing to find this stuff weird, and it has a lot to do with media pretending that the nuclear family and marriage are the only reasons to live with other people.

I’ve lived in a 3 adult household my whole life. My parents and their best friend. This was never weird to me, even though everyone my age thought it was because the media never portrayed these kinds of housing arrangements. As far as i was concerned, I just had an extra non-blood parent.

According to my parents, it was very common in the 70′s-80′s to buy houses with your friends, because it was financially smart to do so (so long as you were certain they were close friends who wouldn’t fall out with you and fuck everything up). Houses and house payments are much more manageable when you split the bills 3-4 ways instead of just two.

Millenials aren’t the first to think it’s a great idea to just shack up with friends. That’s housemating without the hastle of living with strangers. It’s still a good idea to shack up with people you’ve known a long time so you know how you’ll get on living together, but still. In the current economy, it’s pretty much now our only option for affording anything.

I think, and I’m not researched on this, but I think conservatives probably tried to suppress images of non-nuclear families because they likely thought it would encourage ideas of polygamy, polyamory, open sexual relationships with or without marriage, as well as other relationship types they thought of as un-christian or unsavoury. I could be wrong, but that shit wouldn’t surprise me.

(And i want to make a note that there’s also a disturbing amount of asexual denial around that makes people go ‘if they’re living together they HAVE to be banging because why wouldn’t they?’ and that shit both creeps me out and annoys me no end. People can be in relationships without sex. People can live together without sex. Sex is not the be-all and end-all and people being taught to think it is really need to stop).

Don’t let the media fool you into believing you can only live with a sexual partner or blood family. Someone somewhere has an agenda for making these seem abnormal, when really it’s just practical.

A lot of people acted like it was super weird when two of my brothers decided to move states with me when I started my postdoc. I got really used to giving a little canned speech about it because it seemed to bewilder people so much. (Their leases happened to be up! We could share rent! They wanted to try somewhere new!)

The notable exception was my grandma, who was just like, “oh, yes, when we were young my sister and I decided to move cross-country together and it was lovely.”

More of this kind of thing for everyone, pls.

The implication that close sibling relationships must also be a warning sign for incest also peeves me off; what kind of society are we living in anyway

#my mom’s a historian#does a lot of research#one of the main takeaways from the census data of literally every US census since the beginning#is that the nuclear family has never been the actual norm#nobody really ever lived like that#and a lot don’t now#and it’s clearly artificial and not ideal for most people#every household in the census had at least a grandma#usually a cousin#some rando#someone living in the house who wasn’t mom or dad or kid#always someone#usually several someones#some uncles etc.#unmarried aunties#that sort of person#but often unrelated friends#we’ve never really lived alone#that’s not how families work#that’s not how humans work  

tags by @bomberqueen17

Having a multi-adult household unit also just makes a shit-ton of sense, tbh. Much easier to split not only the bills, but also the housework and child-rearing responsibilities. Communal living ftw.

tinsnip:

ladyyatexel:

My surgeon came out and told my mom and brother on Tuesday that I’d be down and out for about two weeks. 

My brother: TWO WEEKS? Holy shit.

Surgeon: Well, consider this.  She and I just had a knife fight.  And I won.  Because she was asleep during it.  

My brother: Oh.  Yeah, okay, that’s fair.

Your surgeon sounds fucking hysterical.

awesome-fan-number-one:

siawrites:

shadows-ember:

thebaconsandwichofregret:

weepingdildo:

Send me to Mars with party supplies before next august 5th

No guys you don’t understand.

The soil testing equipment on Curiosity makes a buzzing noise and the pitch of the noise changes depending on what part of an experiment Curiosity is performing, this is the way Curiosity sings to itself.

So some of the finest minds currently alive decided to take incredibly expensive important scientific equipment and mess with it until they worked out how to move in just the right way to sing Happy Birthday, then someone made a cake on Curiosity’s birthday and took it into Mission control so that a room full of brilliant scientists and engineers could throw a birthday party for a non-autonomous robot 225 million kilometres away and listen to it sing the first ever song sung on Mars*, which was Happy Birthday.

This isn’t a sad story, this a happy story about the ridiculousness of humans and the way we love things. We built a little robot and called it Curiosity and flung it into the star to go and explore places we can’t get to because it’s name is in our nature and then just because we could, we taught it how to sing.

That’s not sad, that’s awesome.

*this is different from the first song ever played on mars (Reach For The Stars by Will.I.Am) which happened the year before, singing is different from playing

This is humanity

Happy Birthday, Curiousity.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ❤🧡💛💚💙💜

thranduskul:

crowleyslittleminion:

whataremonsters:

benedictcumberassbutt:

hellotailor:

liartownusa:

Cotton Fingers package

36 ladytime objects

i refuse to call me period anything other than moonsickness now

We are in fact werewolves

Fun fact: Native Americans used to call it “moontime”. (And I’ve been calling it that ever since I learned the phrase, because it sounds so much better.)

Tribes had ‘Moon Lodges’ and a woman would go into and stay in the lodge until her moon time has passed. During her time in the moon lodge, the elder women would teach her medicine, herbs, ceremonies, rites, prayers and on. Teachings were handed down to her.

The women, at this time, were expected to rest and not perform any chores and she was taken care of by the elder women of the tribe. No cooking, cleaning or lifting. This was a time for the woman to learn and nurture herself and to also embrace her womanhood.

A woman’s moon time was never looked down upon; there was no negativity put on it. The men respected and revered her. The men also cooked and took care of the children at this time, which was a wonderful time of bonding between a father and their children. It was a time of love and respect.

[x]

man the native americans had it all proper sorted until white people happened why do we have 2 fuck everything up